13 Things I Learnt From 13 Reasons Why

***Contains major spoilers***

1. Money talks. Money listens. But it can’t get you consensual sex during your prime.
2. School memorials are just another excuse for hashtaggery drivel with a #melancholyfilter
3. Coffee shops seem to be the new after school hang out scene. You wouldn’t see the 90210 kids gulping down some spiced turmeric bullshit latte thing and a gluten free brownie.
4. Speaking of – actors in their mid-twenties are passing more easily as seventeen-year-olds than ever before. This new age narcissism and gluten free diets must be seeping through our pores.
5. The long on top with shaved sides haircut doesn’t adhere to products quite as well during a basketball game as Troy Bolton’s floppy bangs.
6. Upon a how-to Google search for converting cassette tapes to mp3 files, I thought I was reading instructions on how to dismantle an atomic bomb.
7. The Western world is more concerned with how this show glamourizes suicide to young people than how the Syrian Civil War affects the wellbeing of our troops after deployment.
8. The infamous party cups will never go out of style; a bright red chalice for liquid courage throughout one’s rite of passage since 1975.
9. Second to rock climbing and hollering expletives from the top, getting free beer and weed from a superior classmate would be an unpredictable, yet liberating experience.
10. Does Beats by Dre really need to use product placement? But some say they emphasise appearance over quality. That being said, your integrity is worth more than flaunting some youth-retaining varsity jacket.
11. Unless you’re flying under the social radar, don’t drive a $60k whip to school. Just don't.
12. Should a school guidance counsellor’s salary match that of a marriage counsellor? Or did the only adult with direct power in the convoluted web have a fatal lapse in judgment?
13. We’re all staring down the barrel of social media weaponry. You live by it, and you can die by it.