Lone Little Wolf

Open a new tab on your browser. Google ‘hands free orgasm'. Scroll through the Pornhub links and tantric sex instructions until you find an account of a personal experience. I couldn't. So here's mine: What ever happened to the 90s heartthrob Josh Hartnett? I saw the trailer for Halloween: H20  on TV when I was a preteen and bam! First school girl crush. Those brown eyes, skater boy haircut and perfect jawline soon became a feature on my bedroom wall. But as soon as those posters went up, they came down. The box office success of Pearl Harbour didn’t leave much in its wake for ol’ Josh. We forgot about him as he left the spotlight of Hollywood and back into the shadows of indie films and mid-western Minnesota. A few years after its low-profile release, I watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and three things crossed my mind: 1. Oh Josh! 2. Is it really that hard not having sex for 40 days and 40 nights? And 3. Maybe one day when I’m having it regularly, I’ll find out. Nea

If there’s one thing that has stuck with me from university it’s this bold statement from my (female) Women’s Health lecturer: “Women’s bodies are messy.” Nineteen years old, innocent in hindsight; I made a face. “We bleed, we sweat, we have curves, our bodies don’t return to our normal state straight after sex. We are left with the aftermath.” I went to the bathroom before my next class, snapped my underwear and thought, fuck I’m gross. It wasn’t my lecturer’s intention to stir the pot of the insecurities I had, but to serve us with a spoonful of anti-feminist discourse. After a same-sex date and being called "too straight" (there's a spectrum, people!), a new wave of hetero was coming on so I dove right in. A cornflower blue-eyed stranger threw on the same trunks and said goodnight, while I was dying for that post-coital pee, shower and underwear change. I’m in the fitness industry these days and a common reason I hear from women for wantin

***Contains major spoilers*** Money talks. Money listens. But it can’t get you consensual sex during your prime. School memorials are just another excuse for hashtaggery drivel with a #melancholyfilter Coffee shops seem to be the new after school hang out scene. You wouldn’t see the 90210 kids gulping down some spiced turmeric bullshit latte thing and a gluten free brownie. Speaking of – actors in their mid-twenties are passing more easily as seventeen-year-olds than ever before.  This new age narcissism and gluten free diets must be seeping through our pores. The long on top with shaved sides haircut doesn’t adhere to products quite as well during a basketball game as Troy Bolton’s floppy bangs. Upon a how-to Google search for converting cassette tapes to mp3 files, I thought I was reading instructions on how to dismantle an atomic bomb. The Western world is more concerned with how this show glamourizes suicide to young people than how the Syrian Civil War affects the wellb

I haven’t thought about you in years. I mean, really thought about you. Until the other day when I was packing this year’s birthday cards away and I found one you made me. It had the old school WordArt and ClipArt from Microsoft Office 2003, I think. I didn’t read your kind words like I did all those years ago, but I did reminisce for a moment. Remember the sleepovers? We would watch horror movies until 3am and then hear strange noises outside your house in the middle of nowhere. I would always sleep in between you and Justin in case they were real. I considered these nights a loophole for not being allowed to stay the night at his house just yet, but nothing ever happened, you knew that. We ate the chocolate croissants you took home from work every week for breakfast. I laughed at the huge stack in your freezer. I held onto you on the back of the quad bike. We hit a fence post on your property and you fell off. Oh how we laughed! You would sit on the sidelines and watch my

So your doctor asks you  those  questions. You know the ones.  How many sexual partners have you had? Have you had unprotected sex in the last six months?  And even, if you take certain medications,  do you orgasm frequently?   You smile nervously and think back to the weekend before last when you thought in a drunken haze giving that guy a blowjob in the master bedroom was a fair trade for a finger bang before throwing up in the en suite.  Um, does that count? Recently I fell victim to irregular periods on the pill for the first time (if you’ve changed your diet and lost weight, trust me don’t be scared). So after my doc cleared me of stress and chlamydia, I had no choice but to wait until my hormones balanced out. In the meantime, I tracked these pesky bi monthly bleeds on an app. A cute pussy cat (you can change the animal if you find a cat to be too ironic!) notifies you when your period is coming or when it’s late. I never paid much attention to the other features of the app